Monday, 11 July 2011

Dyadic Withdrawal

‘Dyadic withdrawal’, the professor wrote on the blackboard.  “You might have noticed the fact that once somebody commits to a relationship i.e. finds a boyfriend/girlfriend they tend to send more time with that person than with their old friends. This is called dyadic withdrawal.” Sniggering, several of my classmates looked at me. Yes, I was the perfect example. From the day RK and I started going out my classmates (several of who never as much as talked to me for more than 5 minutes) started complaining. “Vaani does not have time for anyone else now that she has got her RK”, “Oh, so you remember my name. I thought the only person you knew was RK” and “See, she does not want us anymore”. I was fed up and much more than that hurt, hurt bad.

Whenever somebody starts acting weirdly and senselessly, I always think for a moment why they do that, putting myself in their shoes. This time, no matter how hard I tried, I could not understand why people were acting so strangely. I did spend a lot of time with RK at the beginning because I needed to get to know him better and at the same time I always cared for my friends. The worst part is when people whom you hate with a passion tell others that you have drifted apart from the day you started going out. This is so insane. For a moment I thought that the root cause of it all was jealousy but that as not it. Soon came another possible answer, moral policing. They did not want a ‘good girl’ like me to get spoiled by the evil culture that is going out. The fact that they thought of me as a good girl showed a bit too clearly that they never knew me one bit.

What I have to say to these caretakers are
1.    Please mind your own business
2.    If you are a good friend no matter who a person goes out with, they will always have time for you and the only thing you have to do is to be a bit patient and understanding.
3.    Love is not a cake from which if one takes a huge chunk there is only little left. Love is, as per what I  think, limitless and just because someone new enters a person’s life it does not mean that the love they have for you gets sacrificed.
4.    Grow up. Try to accept people for what they are and not what you want them to be.
5.    If jealousy and inferiority complex is indeed your problem, it is best that you consult a shrink.
6.    Learn to be happy for others.
7.    Live and let live.

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